Game of Thrones recap: it's tough to be a Stark

A shocking, brutal, brilliant episode makes sure everyone knows just how far Westeros' noblest family has fallen.

Robb (Richard Madden), Catelyn (Michelle Fairley) and Talisa (Oona Chaplin) prepare for a wedding.

You're almost there, and you're afraid you won't make it. The closer you get, the worse the fear gets.

-Sandor Clegane

"The Rains of Castamere" was an episode full of near misses and narrow escapes. Bran wargs into Summer's mind at the last possible moment and beats back the Wildlings. Jon reveals himself as a member of the Night's Watch and barely escapes from the people he just betrayed. Jorah, Grey Worm and Daario Naharis end one scene facing seemingly impossible odds in Yunkai, and begin the next telling Daenerys that they successfully sacked the city. Jon and Bran pass within yards of each other but never make contact. And Arya comes painfully, achingly close to being reunited with her mother and brother, only to have any hope of happiness torn from her grasp.

I had suspected for quite a while that things were going to end badly for Robb. So much of season 3 (and a lot of season 2, really) has been about pushing the King in the North into a corner. His doom was basically sealed once he married Talisa and his mother set Jaime free, and the events of this season have done nothing but back up that hunch, from the loss of the Karstarks to his final, desperate plan to take Casterley Rock from the Lannisters. Robb was hemmed in on all sides, losing supporters because of his marriage to Talisa and the execution of Lord Karstark. On top of that, he was actually happy in his marriage and expecting a child, which is never a good sign in Westeros.

Game of Thrones recap: the only thing that matters is the climb

An intense, revealing scene (and a viscerally horrifying visual) cuts to the heart of Game of Thrones' central power conflicts.

Aiden Gillen as Petyr Baelish and Conleth Hill as Lord Varys.

Honestly, I had a really hard time picking a scene to analyze this week. There were a lot of great moments in "The Climb": Lady Oleanna faced off with Tywin Lannister, Cersei and Tyrion actually showed one another some affection, and Jon and Ygritte engaged in some pulse-pounding mountaineering. In the end, though, I had to go with my gut and choose Littlefinger's tense, complex scene with Varys, purely because it contained the single image that stayed with me long after the closing credits had faded out: Ros's arrow-ridden corpse, tied to Joffrey's bed after Baelish decided that she was nothing more than a bad investment.

In Vulture's recap of "The Climb," Nina Shen Rastogi expresses her disgust with the tossed-off nature of Ros's death. Her reaction is something I completely understand: the fact that Littlefinger, who I'm beginning to suspect is as heartless as Joffrey (if not quite as twisted) ends Ros's life without so much as a second thought is bad enough. That he hands her over to Joffrey for what he knows will be the worst possible death is horrifying. And that he drops the fact casually into conversation, as an attempt to throw Varys off his game, is absolutely sickening.

Game of Thrones recap: it's hard to be the Kingslayer

Characters (literally and figuratively) expose their secrets in the low-key, but still plenty compelling, "Kissed By Fire."

Nikolaj Coster-Waldau as Jaime Lannister (don't call him Kingslayer).

For a show so heavy on battles, beheadings and dragon fire, Game of Thrones has always featured a substantial amount of talking. There's a lot of backstory to be gotten to on this show, to the point where there have been entire episodes - most notably the first season installment "Cripples, Bastards and Broken Things" - that are almost entirely composed of people giving speeches. It's something, then, to say that Jaime's speech to Brienne in "Kissed By Fire" is one of the finest, most compelling, most revealing and most emotional speeches anyone on the show has ever given.

Jaime has spent the season becoming a more sympathetic character, to the point where it's (almost) possible to forget about that time he pushed Bran out the window because the boy saw him having incestuous sex with Cersei. One of the reasons Jaime is now so much more identifiable is that he personifies the difficulties of staying the honorable course, or even figuring out just what the honorable course is. After all, the man was despised by Westeros' resident honorable man, Ned Stark, for killing the man who executed Ned's father and brothers, because Jaime was, at the time, a sworn member of Aerys Targaryen's King's Guard.

Game of Thrones recap: how do you say "badass" in Valyrian?

Daenerys Targaryen upends the balance of power in one of the most thrilling scenes the show has ever done.

Emilia Clarke as Daenerys Targaryen.

Daenerys Targaryen was one of the most compelling characters in Game of Thrones first season. She started out as a frightened girl, sold in marriage by her odious brother in exchange for an army, and ended the season as a Khaleesi (of a very small, somewhat ragged group, but still a Khaleesi) and a Mother of Dragons. Her journey was compelling, her story had tons of potential, and Emilia Clarke gave one of the best performances on a series full of them.

Then season two happened. Dany spent ten episodes in Qarth, in a holding pattern where she tried to find the money to invade Westeros and yelled about her dragons. The surreal finale sequence in the House of the Undying helped bring some actions back to her story, but it was clear that, when it came to Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, the show was spinning its wheels.

But no more! The final scene of this week's episode, "And Now His Watch Has Ended," was a masterfully constructed thrill, and Dany finally took her place as the badass powerhouse we all knew she could be. The sack of Astapor solidified the Khaleesi's place as an unquestioned ruler - I don't think Ser Jorah or Barristan Selmy had a single line of dialogue this week - and upended the balance of power in Westeros. If I were a Lannister, a Stark, a Baratheon or a Tyrell, and I heard that the last Targaryen was marching at the head of an 8000-strong army, not to mention in possession of three dragons, I would be very, very afraid.

Game of Thrones recap: the trials of Sansa Stark

Sansa opens up to Margaery and Lady Oleanna about the true nature of Joffrey Baratheon in a funny, tense and heartbreaking scene.

Sophie Turner as Sansa Stark.

Honestly, I'm tired of the Game of Thrones photo recaps. They were fun for a while, but eventually just turned into me making lists of things I liked about each episode, and that's fairly boring for everyone involved. So, starting today with "Dark Wings, Dark Words," I'm going to try a different approach: each week, I'll choose a scene that was particularly interesting, illuminating or memorable, and break it down for you all, both on its own and as it ties into the episode as a whole.

The stand-out scene from last night's episode featured both the whip-smart Margaery Tyrell (Natalie Dormer) and the introduction of the amazing Lady Oleanna (played by the equally wonderful Diana Rigg), yet the moment was really about poor, trapped, terrified Sansa Stark. From the moment Lady Oleanna asks Sansa to tell her the truth about Joffrey, it's clear from the girl's stuttering, timid response that she is about to crumble. The mere fact of Oleanna and Margaery's kindness makes Sansa drop her guard completely, pouring out her heart to these two women and telling them that Joffrey is "a monster."

Game of Thrones photo recap: "Valar Dohaeris"

Game of Thrones is back, baby! "Valar Dohaeris" was a little scattered - there were a lot of characters to catch up with, after all - but it hit all of our favorite GoT notes: complex power machinations, gratuitous nudity, disturbing violence, direwolves and dragons. So without further ado, here are the best moments and most memorable lines from "Valar Dohaeris."



"I want to fight for the side that fights for the living." Question for Jon: who wants to fight for the dead?

"They said you'd lost your nose, but it's not as gruesome as all that." A cute nod to the books, where Tyrion does, in fact, lose his nose in the Battle of Blackwater. Luckily for those of us who love Peter Dinklage's face, CGI-ing his nose away in every frame was probably not in the budget.

"Grand Maester Pycelle made the same joke. You must be proud to be as funny as a man whose balls brush his knees." Tyrion Lannister: scarred, but still hilarious.

"I don't even know how much I'm paying you now." "Which means you can afford it." Bronn and Tyrion, together again. All is right with the world.

"You are an ill-made, spiteful little creature full of envy, lust and low cunning. Men's laws give you the right to bear my name and display my colors since I cannot prove that you are not mine. To teach me humility, the gods have condemned me to watch you waddle about wearing that proud lion that was my father's sigil and his father's before him. But neither gods nor men will ever compel me to let you turn Casterley Rock into your whorehouse. Go, now. Speak no more of your rights to Casterley Rock." Tywin's cruelty and rage in this scene are something to behold. It's painful to watch, particularly when the camera cuts to Tyrion, but Charles Dance is magnificent as always.

"Watch out for her." "I always do." "Watch out for her with him." My bet for the season is that Sansa ends up married to Littlefinger. Which would probably be marginally more pleasant than being married to Joffrey, but is still gross, particularly when you factor in Littlefinger's obsession with her mother.

"Don't despair, Ser Davos. What I told your son is true. Death by fire is the purest death." Melisandre is one cold-hearted bitch.

"My mother's always had a penchant for drama. Facts become less and less important to her as she grows older." The cut to Cersei when Joffrey says the word "older" is a thing of beauty. Lena Headey's glare could cut stone.

"Tell this ignorant whore of a Westerner to open her eyes and watch." "He begs you attend this carefully, your grace." Again, the interplay between the slave seller and his interpreter is both funny and, once you figure out that the girl is herself a slave, rather frightening.

The Doctor is back, with a new companion and new threats

Doctor Who's return features the third incarnation of Clara Oswald, the reappearance of an old villain, and a dose of internet-age paranoia.

Jenna-Louise Coleman and Matt Smith in "The Bells of Saint John." Photo courtesy of telegraph.co.uk.

There is one genuinely horrifying moment in "The Bells of Saint John," the first episode of this half-season of Doctor Who. At the end of the hour, Miss Kizlet (Celia Imrie), who is working for the Great Intelligence (who originally appeared way back in the era of the Second Doctor, and who returned as the villain behind the evil snowmen in this year's Christmas special) is abandoned by the Intelligence and told to erase knowledge of the Intelligence's existence from the minds of herself and her staff. In a wickedly clever, creepy image, Kizlet hits a "Restore Factory Settings" command on the iPad app she's been using to run the operation, leaving behind a room full of suddenly bewildered employees who have no idea how they got there. It's a funny stinger that turns tragic when the UNIT troops sent to assess the situation bust into her office, only to find the formerly powerful woman reduced to the intellectual level of a child who can't find her parents. The Intelligence has discarded her, just as it discarded Dr. Simeon (Richard E. Grant), whose face and voice it now uses to communicate (apparently the show couldn't afford to retain Ian McKellen), in "The Snowmen," and the moment is sad and disturbing in equal measure.

The rest of "The Bells of Saint John" stays away from this kind of harrowing emotion, which is probably best for those of us still recovering from the events of "The Angels Take Manhattan." It's a generally light-hearted episode that serves primarily to re-introduce the audience to Jenna-Louise Coleman's new companion, Clara Oswald, and to establish Clara's relationship with the Doctor. The episode's actual plot, which involves uploading people's souls into the WiFi as food (or possibly pets) for the Great Intelligence, takes a backseat to the Doctor/Clara dynamic; the threat never seems terribly credible, and mostly serves as a platform for lots of Facebook and Twitter jokes. Not that I have a problem with these jokes; the way Matt Smith contemptuously enunciates "Twitter" is, and always has been, marvelous, and the scene in which Kizlet's second-in-command, Mahler (Robert Whitlock) realizes that every employee of their super-secret operation has posted their work information on Facebook is a brilliant little piece of comedy.

Game of Thrones Photo Recap: "Valar Morghulis"

"Valar Morghulis" took the propulsive momentum from "Blackwater" and ran with it, powering through a multitude of story lines with flair while keeping up the pace. The big scenes worked just as well as the intimate characters moments, and a plethora of supernatural elements were front and center without seeming out of place. As always, check out the best moments from the episode below, then keep reading for the best quotes. And if you need to find me in the off-season, just give a copy of this recap to another TV blogger and repeat these exact words: "Valar Morghulis."

The night's best moments: an eerie journey through the House of the Undying, Joffrey Baratheon finds a new wife, and the episode ends with a doozy of a cliffhanger.



The best quotes from "Valar Morghulis": Jamie and Brienne make a great team, Theon Greyjoy is not the absolute worst person in Westeros, and I know what question I would ask Jaquen H'Ghar.

"How do you know about that?" "I thought you said you knew who I was." Really, Varys is one of my favorite characters. I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up the most powerful man in the Seven Kingdoms.

"Apparently eating is now a crime." "No, stealing is." The way that Jamie and Brienne immediately put aside their bickering and coordinate in the face of a threat makes me think they would be a pretty formidable force were they to team up.

"Send more ravens." "You killed all the ravens." You took the words right out of my mouth, Maester Luwin.

"Do you know what it's like to be told how lucky you are to be someone's prisoner?" This was a beautifully written and acted speech that sheds a lot of light on Theon. He's a lot more understandable when his actions are viewed through the lens of a prisoner who was raised to be honorable by the man who killed his brothers and took him away from his home.

"Why would I lie about it?" "To create strife between my sister and me." "Where before there was nothing but love." Varys is a tricky man, but I get the impression that he really has Tyrion's back.

"There are many who know that without you this city faced certain defeat. The king won't give you any honors, the histories won't mention you, but we will not forget." This was a really nice moment between Varys and Tyrion, but I suspect that being an unsung hero is not what Tyrion wants out of life.

"How did you know we would come this way?" "Of all the things you have seen, this is your question?" I have to agree with Jaquen; there are about thirty questions I would ask before this one, and after watching this episode I definitely know what the first would be.

"I need to find my brother and mother. And my sister. I need to find her too." I suspect that, whenever Arya meets back up with Sansa, she's going to have to seriously reconsider her opinion of her sister.

"Maybe I told the Great Stallion to go fuck himself, and came back here to wait for you." Romance, profanity and challenges to the gods in one package; that's Khal Drogo for you.

"Take all the gold and jewels!" This one wasn't so much about the line but the delivery, the way that Jorah roared it with the gusto of a pirate.

"If you step back and think about, the thing about Gilly that's so interesting is..." Please don't be dead, Sam. Please do not be dead.

Game of Thrones photo recap: "Blackwater"

"Blackwater" was Game of Thrones' most focused, streamlined and compelling hour since last season's "Baelor." As Stannis launched his ill-fated attack on King's Landing, Tyrion and Sansa kicked unbelievable amounts of ass, Joffrey revealed the depths of his cowardice, and Cersei's slow descent into madness started to accelerate. As always, check out the gallery below for the episode's best moments, and keep reading for a rundown of the night's more memorable quotes.

The best moments from "Blackwater": Sansa shows off her newfound cleverness, Tyrion shows off his skills with an axe, and David Benioff and D.B. Weiss show HBO why the extra money for special effects was necessary.



The night's best quotes: Stannis' ruthless nature comes to the fore, Tywin Lannister has some pretty compelling religious beliefs, and the Hound quits his job in a fashion that is only successful when you're a 300-pound killing machine.

"I've always hated the bells. They only ring for horror; a dead king, a city under siege..." "A wedding?" "Exactly." Just wait until Sansa marries Joffrey. The sheer unpleasantness of that event will put any other instance of death and destruction to shame.

"I've seen you kill a man with a shield. You'll be unstoppable with an axe." As I mentioned, this scene was wonderfully played by both Peter Dinklage and Jerome Flynn; Tyrion and Bronn's relationship might be the most romantic on the show.

"They say my brother Robb always goes where the fighting's thickest. And he's only a pretender." Sansa has managed to combine Stark bravery and nobility with the ability to keep her head firmly attached to her shoulders. That girl is going to go far.

"The worst ones always live." After the absolute badassery of Sansa's conversation with Joffrey, we get an unfortunate (and heartbreaking) reminder that, no matter how craven and cowardly he is, Joffrey has powerful people behind him, and those people will fight to keep him alive at any cost.

"We're too far from the gates. The fire. They have archers. Hundreds will die!" "Thousands." Stannis is still a better choice than Joffrey - who, with the possible exception of Ser Gregore Clegane, wouldn't be? - but the casual way he dooms thousands of men in a quest for the Iron Throne demonstrates that he has his shortcomings as well.

"Your father doesn't believe in the gods?" "He believes in them, he just doesn't like them very much." When you compare this comment to Tyrion's lament last week that all he wanted was a god of "tits and win," it becomes clear that the Imp has more in common with his father than Tywin (and Cersei) might like to believe.

"Fuck the King's Guard. Fuck the city. Fuck the King." The Hound says what everyone is thinking, and gets away with it because, really, who's going to stop him?

"Those are brave men knocking at our door. Let's go kill them!" Maybe not the most noble way to end a rousing battlefield speech, but Tyrion gets points for both flair and for pointing out the fundamental lack of clear moral divisions that distinguishes Game of Thrones from, say, Lord of the Rings.

"The battle is over. We have won!" As conflicted as I am about the Lannister victory, I'm glad that Tywin got the opportunity to say this line. If you need someone to announce that you won a battle, Charles Dance is your man.

Game of Thrones photo recap: "The Prince of Winterfell"

"The Prince of Winterfell" was an episode of Game of Thrones that picked up on Cersei's line to Sansa from last week: "The more people you love, the weaker you are." Themes of love and its consequences were everywhere, from Robb and Talisa's newly consummated relationship to Peter Dinklage's revelatory work in his scenes with Cersei and Shae. As always, check out the photo gallery for a rundown of the hour's best moments, and then keep reading for the night's most memorable quotes.

The best moments from "The Prince of Winterfell": Brienne and Jaime are oddly perfect together, Arya calls in her final favor, and the episode ends with a reveal that surprises no one.



The hour's best quotes: Yara Greyjoy, Westeros' top comedian, is back, Ned Stark was the best lord anyone could hope for, and Shae can be adorable even when issuing seriously gruesome threats.

"Which one gave you the tougher fight? The cripple or the six-year-old?" Obviously the cripple, because he had Hodor on his side. Hodor!

"Theon, you're my blood. We both loved our mother, we both... endured our father." Yara's summation of Balon Greyjoy acts as a nice counterpoint to Robb's description of having Ned as a father.

"He once told me that being a lord is like being a father, except you have thousands of children, and you worry about all of them." See what I mean?

"See that he doesn't get drunk in the evenings. He's poor company when he's sober, but he's better at his work." I'm not entirely sure how Tywin thinks Arya - who weighs about eighty pounds soaking wet - is going to keep The Mountain from doing whatever he wants, but the vote of confidence is nice nonetheless.

"And how did you accomplish this marked drop in thievery?" "Me and the lads rounded up all the known thieves." "For questioning?" "...No." Bronn and Tyrion are the Abbott and Costello of Westeros.

"Digging latrine pits at the end of the world... I can't imagine anything much worse." "Then you lack imagination." Dolorous Edd lives up to his nickname (although you can't really blame him).

"A man has patrol duty." Jaquen's unique syntax works well when he's making cryptic statements about murder, but it's not as effective when he's just talking about his day. "A man has to stop by the post office" doesn't have quite the same ring to it.

"A man can go kill himself." And Arya out-badasses a ninja genie.

"His place is not on the battlefield." "It's not on the throne either. Sadly for all of us..." Joffrey insults will never get old.

"I will hurt you for this. A day will come when you think you're safe and happy, and your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth, and you will know the debt is paid." Tyrion Lannister may not be the most physically imposing specimen, but he can be pretty frightening when he wants to be.

"There are people who want to hurt me." "I know. I won't let them. I'll cut off their faces. I will." Only Shae can turn a bloodthirsty threat into a term of endearment.

"I don't want to marry the Frey girl." "I don't want you to marry her." Who would have thought that Game of Thrones could pull of unabashed romance (or, to be more specific, unabashed romance that didn't start with forced marriage and rape).

"He didn't say anything about the guards." "What, he left that bit out? It's a pretty important part, don't you think?" I missed you, Gendry. I really did.

"Imagine Stannis' terror." "I am trying." Peter Dinklage and Conleth Hill are masters of deadpan sarcasm.

"Why are all the gods such vicious cunts? Where is the god of tits and wine?" A pretty hilarious line that highlighted another theme of "The Prince of Winterfell": overuse of the word "cunt." Seriously, I counted at least seven instances, and I probably missed a few.

Game of Thrones photo recap: "A Man Without Honor"

This week on Game of Thrones Dany looked for her dragons, Cersei acted like an actual human being, and everyone talked. A lot. "A Man Without Honor" was the talkiest episode since the first season's "Lord Snow," but a hefty helping of intrigue and gore, not to mention a couple shocking reversals, kept the tension high. As always, check out the photo gallery for a rundown of the best moments, and keep reading for a sampling of the night's best quotes.

The best moments from "A Man Without Honor": Theon loses control, Xaro Xhoan Daxos shows his hand, and Sansa has a really terrible morning.



The night's best quotes: Ygritte spends a day making fun of Jon, Arya talks back to Tywin, and Brienne shows the men who's boss.

"Do you have sheep at the wall?" Both a hilarious line by Ygritte, and a nice call-back to Sam's conversation with Gren at Craster's Keep.

"If you're my prisoner, you're not a free woman, that's what prisoner means!" Jon was not acquitting himself particularly well in this episode, intelligence-wise. Probably due to the lack of blood going to his brain.

"Most girls are idiots." Maisie Williams just killed it in this scene.

"You're too smart for your own good. Has anyone told you that?" "Yes." So did Charles Dance. I would watch the hell out of an Arya/Tywin spinoff.

"We don't go serving some shit king who's only king because his father was." That right there was the moment when Ygritte became the envy of everyone in King's Landing.

"And I thought that we were done, but he said, 'Turn back around!'" Ygritte's entire speech about being taken advantage of by Jon was hilarious, but the final line put all the rest to shame.

"I thought it would be less... messy." Right then, every single woman watching the show said, "Oh, sweetie, I know."

"Shouldn't I love Joffrey, your grace?" "You can try." One of the best things to come out of this episode was Cersei's realization that Joffrey is, in fact, a terrible human being.

"Take your hands off me, woman!" "Don't enter without an invitation, man!" Brienne doesn't do a whole lot this week, but this line was fantastic.

"You've become a real she-wolf in your later years!" Jamie Lannister is the king of inappropriate flirting.

"It's just you, me and Joffrey. The lord of the Seven Kingdoms, and protector of the Realm." The sarcasm with which Peter Dinklage articulates this line was delicious.

"What if your father despises the king? What if the king massacres the innocent? It's too much. No matter what you do you're forsaking one vow or another." A brilliant speech from Jamie, not to mention an accurate summation of one of Game of Thrones' most potent themes.

Community recap: Five full-length episodes we want to see after watching "Curriculum Unavailable"

Hot on the heels of the news that Community will be back for at least thirteen more episodes (hopefully more since, contrary to a lot of speculation, the fourth-season deal did not specify an end date), the internet's favorite comedy delivered a phenomenal episode that both built on last year's "clip" show, "Paradigms of Human Memory," and moved the ongoing plot forward.

Just like its predecessor, "Curriculum Unavailable" provided some tantalizing glimpses of the episodes that might have been, from a life-sized chess match to Troy buying an ATV. So here, in no particular order, are the five clips that I would most like to see made into full-length episodes (plus a bonus idea for a spinoff!). Enjoy, and keep repeating the mantra: Six Seasons and a Movie!

"Native American Tribal Rituals"

Plot: After deciding that some serious soul-searching is in order, Britta attempts to convince a local Navajo elder of the seriousness of her vision quest and, after being rebuffed, scores some peyote from the (now dearly departed) campus drug source, Starburns. She is not prepared for the intensity of the experience, and neither is Greendale's local ecosystem.

Why should we see the whole thing? Because of the wonderfully deadpan way that Gillian Jacobs asks how long peyote lasts.

Game of Thrones photo recap: "The Old Gods and the New"

"The Old Gods and the New" was a magnificent episode of Game of Thrones, featuring some lovely, moving moments, serious character development, and scenes that were viscerally painful and edge-of-your-seat tense. As usual, check out the gallery below for a rundown of the episode's best moments, and then keep scrolling for a sampling of great lines. And remember to stay out of Dany's way when she goes looking for her dragons, because you do not want to be the person between Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen and her fire-breathing children.

The best moments from "The Old Gods and the New": Jon Snow meets a lovely wildling, Tywin and Arya are almost like friends, and Joffrey comes so close to getting what he deserves.



The night's best quotes: the last moments of Ser Rodrik Cassel, Cersei deals with her emotions using threats, and Roos Bolton has Theon Greyjoy's number.

"Ser Rodrik, it grieves me that we meet as foes." "It grieves me that you've less honor than a back-alley whore." At least Ser Rodrik got in a good one-liner before he died. And we got one last glimpse at his awesome beard.

"You're even dumber than you look." Jon Snow does keep making incredibly stupid decisions. He deserved that.

"Maybe you should devise our next battle plan while you're about it." Did I mention how much I love the Tywin/Arya pairing? Because I love it so much.

"Strike hard and true, Jon Snow, or I'll come back and haunt you." I have a feeling that Jon wouldn't mind being haunted by Ygritte.

"One day I pray you love someone. I pray you love her so much, that when you close your eyes you see her face. I want that for you. I want you to know what it is to love someone, to truly love someone, before I take her from you." Now would be the time to hide Shae somewhere a bit more remote than Sansa's chambers.

"Princes don't cry." "I saw you cry." Hilarious, Sansa. Stupid, but hilarious.

"I want these people executed!" "They want the same for you." We all want that, Ser Sandor. We all want that.

"We've had vicious kings, we've had idiot kings, but I don't know if we've ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for a king!" If there are words in the English language that describe Joffrey Baratheon more effectively than "vicious idiot," I haven't heard them.

"The people will rise to fight for their rightful queen when I return!" Dany may be a bit naive, but after a few more months of Joffrey the people of the Seven Kingdoms would probably welcome just about anyone.

"I'm writing a letter to the Lannisters: the Young Wolf is on the move!" Wouldn't it be kind of awesome if Valisa was actually a spy, and she just lied to Robb's face about it?

"Why would Theon..." "Because the Greyjoys are treasonous whores." You are not wrong, Mr. Bolton.

"You are everything he hates. Your horse eats better than his children." Just as Tyrion perfectly summed up Joffrey, so Shae perfectly summed up the rebellion in King's Landing. Those two really are meant for one another.

Game of Thrones photo recap: "The Ghost of Harrenhal"

This week on Game of Thrones we were treated to a marriage proposal, signs of unrest in King's Landing, and a truly incredible number of references to death by burning. As for Melisandre's smoke baby, that child has left the nest and is doing his parents proud. As usual, the night's best moments are on display in photographic form, while Westeros' wittiest wordplay has been compiled below for your reading pleasure. Make sure your baby dragons are fed, and read on!

The best moments from "The Ghost of Harrenhal": the Night's Watch makes it to an even less hospitable location than Craster's compound, a warlock shows off his abilities, and Brienne of Tarth kicks ass even when she's grieving.



The episode's best quotes: Tyrion is, as usual, on fire (not literally, although that may be coming soon),  Arya stares down Tywin Lannister, and Ser Jorah (almost) proclaims his love.

"Do you want to be a queen?" "No. I want to be the queen." And Margery Tyrell throws her hat (or, rather, extremely low-cut dress) in the ring.

"Myrcella's a sweet, innocent girl and I don't blame her at all for you." Myrcella's betrothal may be less about protecting the girl from Stannis, and more about protecting her from Cersei.

"Tell me, if the vile allegations against my brother and sister are true, do you think it would make Jamie more likely to kill you, or less likely? When I tell him you're fucking her, I mean." "I'm telling you the truth!" "Smart money would be on more likely." "She's making wildfire, I swear!" "Though then perhaps his own unnatural urges would give him sympathy for yours." "The alchemists' guild has been commissioned!" "I suppose there's only one way to find out." The disinterested way that Tyrion keeps going with his train of thought, oblivious to Lancel's desperation, is just wonderful.

"He's very busy. Being repeatedly humiliated by Robb Stark is time consuming." One suspects that Tyrion is at least a little pleased by Tywin's losses.

"You have to admire his imagination." "He's talking about you." "What? Demon monkey!?" It's easy to forget that not everyone sees Tyrion for the hilarious, brilliant badass that he is.

"Stop! We yield." Yara may have appeared for a grand total of thirty seconds, but she uses her moment in the spotlight for the best possible purpose: to mock her vainglorious brother.

"Anyone can be killed." I half-expected Arya to leap at Tywin and strangle him to death right here. The girl is that fearsome.

"I was always a girl." "And I was always aware." Jaquen H'Ghar could either be a highly useful friend to Arya, or a very fearsome foe.

"Beautiful isn't it! Gilly would love it here." When you do get married, Sam, maybe let your wife plan the honeymoon.

"What do you think they were like, the first men?" "Stupid. Smart men don't find themselves in place like this." A little sarcastic humor goes a long way north of the Wall.

"You would not dare insult my order whilst Aerys Targaryen lived!" "Well, he's not living anymore." Bronn for the win!

"Men like to talk about other men... when they're happy." Daenerys is the subtlest pimp on Game of Thrones, which is really saying something.

"There are times when I look at you, and I still can't believe you're real." It's a good thing that the show aged Dany up from the books (where she was 14); that way, Jorah's love is sweet, rather than creepy.

Game of Thrones photo recap: "Garden of Bones"

"Garden of Bones" saw the return of Daenerys, Tyrion being an incredible badass, Joffrey reaching new heights of sadistic awfulness, and an ending that I can only interpret as a set-up for a Lost crossover episode. As usual, a gallery of the night's best, most memorable and weirdest moments can be found below, and a rundown of the most memorable quotes will follow.

"Garden of Bones" best moments: we find out how hot dragon fire burns, Renly proves he can best his brother in the charm department, and the episode ends with what is perhaps the strangest thing that has ever been seen on this earth outside a Lady Gaga video.

The night's most memorable quotes: Tyrion and Renly compete for the title of Westeros' Funniest (sadly, Yara was not with us tonight to offer a challenge), Littlefinger has no sense of timing, and Daenerys has a hard time with foreign words.

"Careful now. We don't want to get blood all over your pretty white cloak." Bronn: a perfect combination of hilarious and menacing.

"Bronn, the next time Sir Merrin speaks, kill him. That was a threat. See the difference?" It is really unfortunate for Tyrion that no one else in King's Landing is up to his intellectual level.

"There's no cure for being a cunt." Bronn understands Joffrey all too well.

"The whole notion of marriage seems to confuse you, so let me explain. My husband is my king, and my king my husband." Win: Margery Tyrell. Loss: Petyr Baelish.

"Joffrey. Cersei. Illynpayne. The Hound." You know that you're a badass when your nightly prayers are more threatening than most people's actual threats.

"I've loved you since I was a boy. It seems to me that fate have given us this chance to..." It's nice to see that Littlefinger has a heart somewhere under all his business acumen, but his sense of timing is about as bad as it can be.

"I suppose if we used the same one the battle would be terribly confusing." If I were Stannis, I would have yielded in the face of Renly's onslaught of quips.

"No no, I'm relieved. Never really believed you were a fanatic. Charmless, rigid and a bore, yes, but not a godly man." Stannis might not be able to take a joke, but Renly sure can make one.

"Born amidst salt and smoke? Is he a ham?" Honestly, given what we've seen of the various gods people worship in Westeros, a ham might be an improvement.

"Listen to yourselves! If you were sons of mine, I would knock your heads together and lock you in a bedchamber until you remembered that you were brothers!" See, Catelyn can be pretty convincing when she isn't endlessly discussing the coming of winter.

"My name is..." "Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen." I love Daenerys more than any other character on television, but the girl does suffer from a tendency to constantly proclaim her name and title.

"The beauty of Quarth is legen..." "Qarth." "Qarth." If the city was really legendary, one would assume that people would know how to pronounce it.

"You'll do no such thing. This one's a girl, you idiot." Tywin Lannister: quicker on the uptake than 90% of the inhabitants of the Seven Kingdoms.

"Your own father, Lord Tywin, when I was named the king's squire, he told me to obey her! In everything!" "Did he tell you to fuck her too?" Well, he didn't use those exact words, but it was implied.

"I could swear that I had not harmed a single hair on his head, but that would not, strictly speaking, be true." Tyrion might not be, strictly speaking, honest, but he is without a doubt the baddest of the bad ass mother fuckers.

"And it gives me four less fingernails to clean." "Fewer." "What?" "Four fewer fingernails to clean." Really, Stannis? You're sending Davos to a spot under the walls of Renly's fortifications, with an enchantress who is about to birth a spirit from Hell, and you're concerned about the guy's grammar?

Fringe recap: The day the Observers stopped watching

Henry Ian Cusick, Blair Brown, Georgina Haig and John Noble talk under a reminder of the omnipresent
Observers in "Letters of Transit," the 19th episode of Fringe's fourth season.

The New York Times honored Fox's 25th anniversary (which happens to be today) with a piece that discussed the way the network changed the television landscape, by consistently airing innovative shows that no other network would touch. The Simpsons, Married... With Children, were considered too low-brow and crude; The X-Files had a premise that, as the Times noted, was treated with derision and mockery. It's only fitting, then, that Fringe celebrated its network's anniversary with the kind of insane, out-there installment that could really only be pulled off by two shows: Fringe, or its parent series The X-Files.

"Letters of Transit" opened with a crawl that filled in its backstory; in 2015, the bald, taste-impaired Observers stopped watching and started acting, taking over our world and subjugating humans, now referred to as Natives (all of this meant that this was a very easy episode for Spot the Observer, the game that I succeeded at for the first time in last week's "The Consultant"). The episode revolves around the resistance efforts of Simon (Lost's very own Henry Ian Cusick, who has earned himself my undying love through his portrayal of Demond Hume) and Henrietta (Georgina Haig), a Fringe agent with psychic abilities. These two want nothing more than to release Walter and his team from amber captivity so that they can continue work on a device that will destroy the Observers and free humanity from subjugation.

Community recap: Virtual perfection

Danny Pudi and Alison Brie in "Virtual Systems Analysis."

If "Virtual Systems Analysis" had contained nothing more than Troy Barnes breaking down and revealing all his secrets, it would have been a pretty solid episode of Community. Throw in Dean Pelton, dressed as a half-man, half-woman (someone has been reading Todd VanDerWerff's Carnivale coverage!) in a moment of crisis when he realizes that he has to go to the bank in this ridiculous outfit, and the half-hour gets bumped up several levels until it reaches "great" territory.

And then you add in a superbly constructed, highly emotional story arc that focuses on the unexpected pairing of Annie and Abed - and includes a killer soap-opera parody to boot - and what comes out is an absolute standout episode, the type of installment that demonstrates why, when Community is on its game, it's one of the best shows on TV.

I don't know if "Virtual Systems Analysis" will, in the long run, be considered one of the show's greatest episodes, like "Remedial Chaos Theory" or "Modern Warfare." But I suspect it has the makings of a stealth classic in the vein of "Critical Film Studies" or "Mixology Certification"; the kind of quietly great installment that combines some serious character development and pretty hilarious comedy.

Game of Thrones Photo Recap: "What Is Dead May Never Die"

"What Is Dead May Never Die" was a pretty great episode of Game of Thrones, despite the unconscionable lack of Daenerys and the somewhat more conscionable lack of Stannis and Robb. If last week's installment was all about the dangers of being a woman in Westeros, this episode was all about power, and the strategies that those who have power use to hold onto it. From Tyrion using his wiles to sniff out a spy, to Renly trying (and failing) to keep his sexual desires secret, to Sansa pretending love for Joffrey in order to stay alive, the characters spent the hour trying to get power, to hold on to power, or to fight a power against which they could not win.

The episode's best moments: Shae is tired of being locked up, Theon is torn between his two families, and the return of Hodor!

The best quotes from "What Is Dead May Never Die": Yara continues her quest to be the best comedian in Westeros, Tyrion seriously overshares, and Catelyn Stark reminds us all that the seasons are about to change.

"When I take King's Landing, I will bring you Joffrey's head." Everyone would really love it if you would do that, Renly. As soon as possible.

"They are the knights of summer, and winter is coming." Leave it to Catelyn Stark to be the Debbie Downer who is always reminding everyone about winter.

"The Sea Bitch. We thought she'd be perfect for you." She is, Yara. She really is.

"Every man who has tasted my cooking has told me what a good whore I am." Between last week's comment about Varys' fondness (or lack thereof) for fish pie and this, Shae is really on a roll with the zingers.

"I shouldn't have to tell you to do things, you should just do them." Just when I start to feel bad for Sansa...

"Oh, thank the gods! I haven't had a proper shit in six days!" I don't think that any of us really needed to know that, Tyrion.

"Is Joffrey going to kill Sansa's brother?" "He might. Would you like that?" "No. I don't think so." Apparently Cersei's kids don't start out evil; they become evil after spending too much time with their mother. At least, that appears to be the case with Tommen. We can probably assume that Joffrey was always a sociopath.

"Oh he could get you started, I wouldn't mind. Or I could turn over and you could pretend I'm him?" Apparently the Tyrells are rather sexually uninhibited. Renly may have found himself the perfect wife.

"Leave me out of your next deception." "That's a shame. You were to be the centerpiece of my next deception." Tyrion and Littlefinger's relationship might not be quite at the level of the Imp's relationship with Varys, but they have some pretty good banter nonetheless.

"Filthy old stoat. Almost hate to interrupt." "No, you don't." "No I don't." Tyrion and Bronn have a really wonderful bromance going on.

"Cut off his manhood, and feed it to the goats." "There are no goats, half-man." "Well make do!" The Hand of the King just hates it when his men can't improvise.

"A very small man can cast a very large shadow." Half inspirational speech, half short joke, all Varys.

"I always hated crossbows. Take too long to load." Yoren dies as he lived: one bad-ass mother fucker.

Game of Thrones photo recap: "The Night Lands"

It's that time again. Another hour of Game of Thrones' goodness has come and gone, and again there are too many plot points, new characters, intrigues and gorgeous images to describe in words. So I present a new, recurring feature: the Game of Thrones photo recap and quote roundup! Check out the gallery below, then check out the best quotes from "The Night Lands." (And yes, most of them belong to Tyrion. As they always will.)

The episode's best moments: the introduction of Pyke, Arya is discovered, a glimpse of a White Walker, and more.

The best quotes from "The Night Remembers"; Tyrion makes a threat, Sam shows a woman some respect, and Yara mocks her amorous brother.

"Another king. How many is that now, five? I've lost count." Cersei's confusion certainly resonates with this viewer.

"You should taste her fish pie." "I don't think Lord Varys likes fish pie." A vagina joke and a eunuch joke in one comment! Tyrion and Shae should form a touring comedy act.

"Wish I grew up on a farm." Poor virginal Sam; vow of celibacy be damned, that boy needs to get laid.

"I'm not questioning your honor, Lord Janos. I'm denying its existence." Tyrion Lannister, comedian, continues to kill. Figuratively, of course. (Although literal killing can't be far off.)

"I can't steal her. She's a person, not a goat." Samwell Tarly is the Westeros equivalent of Ryan Gosling.

"You shouldn't insult people who are bigger than you." "Then I'd never get to insult anyone." Well, Arya, you could insult Tyrion. But I wouldn't recommend it.

"So good to see you, brother. This is a homecoming to tell my grandchildren about." If Theon could keep it in his pants, he wouldn't run into these accidental-incest situations.

"You're a woman!" ""You're the one in skirts." Yara Greyjoy is not only the lone woman in Westeros who is allowed to wield power like a man; she's also taking on Tyrion in the "Westeros' Funniest" contest.

"You don't know how persuasive I am. I never tried to fuck you." Salladhor Saan is a man confident in his own abilities.

Fringe recap: Let's talk about Lincoln Lee

Seth Gabel and Anna Torv in "Everything in Its Right Place."

Two-thirds of the way through last night's sublime installment of Fringe, "Everything in Its Right Place," Lincoln Lee (Seth Gabel) has a moment of connection to the episode's Freak of the Week, a malfunctioning shapeshifter who goes by the name of Canaan. This man, who is broken in more ways than one, tells Lincoln about the woman he loved and her son, to whom he was devoted. She left him, taking the boy, Daniel, and the shapeshifter's voice starts to break when he says, "they just went on living their lives, as if I was never there. As if I meant nothing to them."

Using the current week's case to reflect on the personal trials of the characters is nothing new for Fringe, but there was something special about this week. Much like another stellar season four outing that focused on a secondary character - "Making Angels," which followed the two Astrids - "Everything in Its Right Place" made an emotional impact by focusing on fan favorite Lincoln, and looking at the many small, subtly heartbreaking ways that Peter and Olivia's reunion has affected the people around them.