Whitney Cummings wants you to be nice to Lana Del Rey

Photo courtesy of ComedyCentral.com.

The most hated woman on television (well, besides Nancy Grace) is defending the most hated woman in music on the basis that people shouldn't say unkind things about the hot, talentless girls who are just trying to entertain us.

“I’m not saying support bad music or that she deserved to be there or anything—not my call,” Cummings wrote, but continued that she feels everyone should “cut some slack” not only because Lana Del Rey is a performer and “performing is FUCKING HARD,” but also because Lana Del Rey is a woman, and women are judged according to the sort of sexist standards and well-worn clichés that form the basis of certain entire sitcoms. “If you’re a pretty woman you’re accused of having plastic surgery and if you’re not you’re ‘busted’ and people blog about how they don’t want to fuck you ... it’s not ideal,” Cummings says, the ellipsis signaling a 30-second pause for the laugh track. Cummings then adds, “Something about this girl brings out the petty in us. Her quick rise? Her pretty face? Something is pissing people off about this girl”—still talking about Lana Del Rey and definitely not projecting.

In fact, Cummings sees this as a learning experience, one that serendipitously could be applied to all performers who might have been on the receiving end of ridicule just for being a pretty girl whose sudden stardom is inversely proportional to her actual talents, whoever they might be. “I just think whether someone sucks or someone doesn’t we should be kinder to them,” Cummings says (most likely intending to insert the word “mean” in there and also “shouldn’t,” corrections we offer in the spirit of kindness). “I think we should be encouraging and patient,” she concludes. (via The AV Club)

This anecdote is a great illustration of the major reason that Cummings drives me insane. She constantly falls back on accusations of sexism in an attempt to silence her critics, because apparently the only explanation for disliking Cummings or Del Rey is sexism. Worse than that, though, is the narrative that she spins about the difficulties of getting taken seriously as an attractive girl in the entertainment industry. Making these claims really just demonstrates that Cummings can't take criticism. So Whitney, know this: if your show gets cancelled, it is not because you are pretty. It is because your show is terrible, and because NBC finally came to their senses and replaced you with Community. #SixSeasonsAndAMovie!

This can't be good...

Come on NBC, don't make Britta sad! Be cool. Photo courtesy of omnilogies.com.

We have officially entered the darkest timeline. (Yes, I stole that joke from The A.V. Club, and I am way too upset to care.) NBC released their winter lineup today, and Community has been bumped to make way for... wait for it... a sitcom based on the life of Chelsea Handler. NBC has said that all 22 episodes of this season will be shot and aired, but there is just no way this is good news. I can only sum up my feelings in one way:

I certainly hold out hope that Community will soon be back in its rightful place; after all, the network already has one tanking sitcom starring an abrasive female comedian who does nothing more than repeat the word "vagina" and hope it sticks, so the Chelsea Handler show could be cancelled very, very quickly. Plus, there is a silver lining, in that 30 Rock will come back after Christmas and the very deserving, very funny Up All Night will move to Thursday, while the aforementioned vagina-centric sitcom will be moved to Wednesday, where it can compete against the juggernaut that is ABC's comedy block. However, as someone who is still dealing with the trauma that was the cancellation of Arrested Development, I know that this is not good news. So, pray to the TV gods (who giveth and who taketh away), and repeat after me: Six seasons and a movie. Six seasons and a movie! For the love of god, six seasons and a movie!

Would the cancellation of "Whitney" be such a terrible thing?

Whitney Cummings and Chris D'Ella in NBC's Whitney. Photo courtesy of daemonstv.com.

Yael Cohen at The Daily Beast recently took it upon herself to argue that Whitney Cumming's eponymous NBC sitcom represents a shift in the world of female stand-up comedy; namely, that Cummings can break down the barriers that keep skinny, long-legged, hot women from pursuing a career in an industry dominated by men, unattractive women and lesbians. If Cohen is right, Cumming's success onscreen (she's also a creator of CBS's Two Broke Girls, but behind-the-scenes work apparently doesn't count) could pave the way for the poor, disenfranchised hot girls who just want to do stand-up comedy, but who haven't been given the chance.

That might sound a little harsh, but I've always had a problem with attractive female actresses and comedians complaining that their looks prevent people from taking them seriously, despite a multitude of studies showing that attractive people earn more money, are smarter, and are happier than their less attractive counterparts. In a looks-obsessed culture like Hollywood, it seems even more ridiculous to argue that a woman who looks like Cummings is put at a disadvantage because of her beauty. Cohen, of course, has an explanation for this that takes her argument from questionable to actually offensive. She quotes Dave Rath, a (male) comedy manager, saying "So when a hot girl goes on stage all the guys want to be with her and all the women are like, why is my boyfriend looking at her that way? So the audience was always put off a little bit by attractive women."

Rath's explanation, and by extension Cohen's, hinges on the idea that women are jealous shrews who can't handle the presence of an another attractive woman, much less an attractive woman who is also funny. (To her credit, Cummings contradicts Rath, saying "Whereas I used to think that looking pretty or sexy would alienate women, now it's the opposite. Now I feel like when I embrace my femininity, it makes women relate to me more, because they go 'Oh, she's just like me, she puts on makeup, she tries to look cute...'") The bigger problem here, however, stems from another one of Rath's words of wisdom: "[Comedy] is about vulnerability, people have to identify with those things and that's what everybody is laughing it." The audience has to identify with the person onstage and their problems in order to find that person funny, and most women just do not look like Whitney Cummings (or similarly attractive comics Sarah Silverman and Chelsea Handler).

Of course, the fact that Cummings is hotter than most women doesn't mean we can't sympathize with her. I can sympathize with Liz Lemon just fine, and Tina Fey is nothing if not good-looking. The problem is that 30 Rock is a quick, well-written show and Whitney just isn't. I watched the pilot episode of Whitney, and it wasn't Cumming's looks that kept me from laughing at the show; it was the way the half-hour was devoid of any originality and simply rehashed the same tired jokes about couples who don't have sex enough and unreliable men. Whitney could have been a smart, incisive look at a part of our society that doesn't get a lot of screen time - committed couples who, for whatever reason, choose to remain unmarried - in the vein of this fall's best new comedies Up All Night and 2 Broke Girls. Instead, the jokes are straight out of a King of Queens rerun, and the writers fall back on the old romantic comedy cliche of making the gorgeous Cummings more vulnerable by making her socially inept. (Seriously, who sees a three-tiered display of cupcakes at a wedding reception and doesn't realize that those cupcakes are the trendy wedding cake?)

Cohen concludes her piece by saying that Whitney's failure would signal to the television industry that "audiences aren't ready for a rom-com sitcom centered around a good-looking female standup." Whitney has a good shot at survival - it is on NBC, after all, a network that tolerates low ratings because it's too busy circling the drain to worry about them - but its cancellation shouldn't mean that audiences can't handle a good-looking female standup. It means that audiences are discerning enough to reject a pile of week-old leftovers dressed up with a sprig of parsley to make them look "fresh." If you want to support Cummings, watch the very funny 2 Broke Girls and root for Kat Dennings, a female protagonist who is refreshingly normal-looking while still being pretty damn hot. That is the kind of barrier-breaking television that I want to see.